The psychology of moving: The illusion of change
The idea of moving as a way to start a new life attracts many. It seems like a simple solution to complex problems: a new city, a new country, new people — and with them, a new version of ourselves. But can moving truly resolve internal conflicts, or is it just a way to escape from ourselves? How can you tell if you genuinely want to move, or if it’s merely an illusion of salvation? In this article, we’ll discuss how to recognize your true desires, understand your motivations, and ensure that moving is a conscious decision, not an impulsive step leading to disappointment.
Every year, millions of people around the world decide to move. In the United States alone, around 31 million people change their place of residence every year, which accounts for about 10% of the country's population. On a global scale, the statistics are just as impressive: hundreds of millions of people move in search of a better quality of life, new opportunities, or simply a change in their surroundings.
How does our brain work when we desire change?
Our brain strives to avoid discomfort and find a way out of unpleasant situations. This is why it seems that moving is a quick way to get rid of feelings of dissatisfaction. However, the brain is prone to automatic behavior patterns. It may mistakenly perceive the external environment as the sole cause of stress or problems. When we decide to change our place of residence, we often think it will help us get rid of discomfort, without realizing that the problems are likely to follow us.
The brain and escaping from oneself
From a neuropsychological perspective, many of us perceive changing our environment as a way to “reboot.” However, this doesn’t always work. Research shows that the brain adapts very well to new conditions, but this doesn't always benefit our psycho-emotional state. In fact, moving can increase stress if it doesn’t address the underlying causes of dissatisfaction.
The so-called "escape from oneself" is explained by the fact that people try to change the external world without altering their internal attitude toward problems. Psychological studies show that adapting to new conditions can take anywhere from a few weeks to several months, and sometimes, if the causes of stress remain unrecognized, returning to old problems is just a matter of time.
Mismatch of expectations
Studies show that about 20-30% of people who moved abroad return to their home countries within the first 5 years, disappointed with their new life. Among those who move within their own country, this percentage can be even higher — up to 40% admit that the move did not meet their expectations and did not give them what they were looking for. This disappointment is often linked not only to an unfamiliar environment, social isolation, or culture shock but also to deep internal conflict.
People who seek changes in the external world often find that the problems they tried to leave behind remain with them, as they were not resolved on an internal level. Moreover, there is often criticism of themselves — as moving is often seen as a step towards something better, and when it doesn’t meet expectations, feelings of failure arise. Instead of starting a new life, the person ends up in a state of crisis, feeling disappointment not only in the new place but also in themselves.
Moving or running away from yourself?
To understand whether moving is the right decision or simply an escape from personal issues, it’s important to examine what lies behind your desire to leave your current place of residence. Let’s explore some common reasons and their real impact:
Feeling of dissatisfaction. Often, the desire to move arises from dissatisfaction with one’s current life: work, relationships, or surroundings. However, it’s crucial to realize that moving won’t eliminate this internal discomfort unless the underlying problems are addressed.
Desire for a “fresh start.” We tend to think that a change of location will help us start our life anew. But it’s essential to recognize that internal issues (such as fears, lack of self-confidence, or unresolved conflicts) will follow you, no matter where you go.
Romanticizing change. Moving is often viewed as an idealized solution to all problems. This may be linked to cognitive distortion, where we tend to exaggerate the positive aspects of future changes and ignore potential challenges.
How to understand if you truly want change?
Understanding what drives your desire to move helps you make a conscious choice. Here are a few steps to help you reflect on your motivations:
Ask yourself: what exactly do I want to change?
If your goal is to escape a problem rather than solve it, then moving is likely not the solution. It’s important to understand that you may need to work not with external circumstances, but with your internal mindset.
Analyze whether you have a clear plan.
If you just want to “change the place” without a specific plan, it might signal that you’re looking for an escape. Real changes require a conscious approach and a clear understanding of what exactly you want to change in your life.
Pay attention to your emotional reactions.
If moving causes you anxiety and stress, it might indicate that you’re trying to avoid something rather than change something. Instead of rushing into the unknown, focus on how you can address your current issues right where you are.
Practice visualization of your goals and future.
Before making a decision to move, take some time to visualize your future in your current place or potential new location. How does it align with your goals and values? Visualization can help you gain clarity and insight into whether your desire for change is truly about creating a better life or simply avoiding present discomfort. It can also assist in making conscious decisions that align with your long-term aspirations.
5 signs of a healthy move
Clear purpose. The move is driven by the desire to improve your life, not to escape problems.
Realistic expectations. You understand that change is a process, not an instant solution to all your problems.
Willingness to face new challenges. You recognize that adapting to a new environment will take effort, but you're ready for the change.
Positive outlook on change. The move is seen as a step forward, not as an escape from reality.
Social support. You have plans to build new connections and maintain relationships in the new place.
Moving is an important step that can be both a positive change and a challenging process. It’s crucial to understand your true motivations and approach the decision with mindfulness. If you feel that change is necessary, meditation practices can help calm your mind and gain clarity.
In the GooseBumps app, you can create a goals list for visualization, which will help direct your focus and better understand the changes you truly need. This will not only help you make a more mindful decision but also prepare you for new life stages with inner harmony.